Break Up Punch
by dk2022
Summary: Barstools are an amazing place to contemplate empty shot glasses.


So, another SS/HG fic from me. Please read this as the silliness it is! I don't generally write, 'Ron is gay/evil/stupid/whatever' fics, but this one came to me, and poked me until I submitted to it's power. Rating for the slightly naughty language in the fic, the ideas discussed, and the suggestion at the end. I like warning people. Also, this was written for Fic101 over at LiveJournal land.

Muchos gracias to my darling sister for betaing, even though it was more me forcing my fic on her and her telling me I needed a psych evaluation. Or words to that effect.

Anyone hurt by the drink Hermione consumes, it was your own fault, I never made you drink it. I made up the whole thing. It is a fake drink, not to be consumed by anyone that hasn't got a lead lined stomach!

Anyway, enjoy! And review. Hell, you'd probs want to flame. Let's just make it constructive criticism.

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Break Up Punch

Slouched on a barstool, Hermione pondered the meaning of the bottom of an empty glass. "Why is the drink gone? Why am I drinking? Oh yeah... Wanker."

Hermione Granger had just found out the meaning of 'break up'. She had known it before, having dated a few other guys during the summers away from the Boys, but this one had taken the cake, iced it, put it on a pretty platter, dropped it, ate it from the floor, then licked the carpet clean. Ron, her One True Love, decided that he didn't want to be with her. In fact, he hadn't the desire to be with any girl, so he shacked up with Harry, and the two had been beaming with love the moment Ron came out of the closet.

Of course, both had forgotten that Hermione still rather liked him, so she was alone as she nursed her wounded feelings... And the inevitable hangover. "Barkeep, 'nother please."

"Same as before?"

"Yup. Just gonna keep drinking till I forget what that tosser did to me."

"As much as I love to see an inebriated Gryffindor, I believe you a far from forgetting what 'that tosser' did to you. I hardly doubt, however, that any of us sober faculty members would ever forget this past week."

"Go fuck yourself Severus." Hermione's growl was a bit too slurred for her liking, but it got the message across. She needed to be alone, away from men that she knew, especially the one that had caught her fancy since she arrived on the faculty at Hogwarts, and made her think guilty thoughts as Ron picked his pyjamas. Maybe that should have tipped her off, or the way he kept saying that his spots clashed with his hair. "He didn't even know the meaning of the word clash before he met me."

"Thank you Hermione. Now, have you had any particular rota of drinks?"

"Just the one."

"The one drink and you're this drunk? I knew Gryffindors had weak constitutions but I hadn't known you to be that bad."

"One particular drink, Break up Punch. Two parts vodka, three parts Bailey's, one shot of Tia Maria added to a base of cranberry juice."

"It sounds disgusting."

"Just how a break up should be. Anything I can get you sir?"

"Half a pint of bitter and a whiskey chaser. Then enough Tequila to make a Mexican blind."

"Severus?"

"It's ungentlemanly to allow a lady to drink alone."

"You're no gentleman."

"And you're no lady." They clinked their drinks. "Cheers..."

Hermione choked back her Break up Punch. "See, Ron decided that he preferred the taste of spunk to women--"

"I did not need that image thank you."

"I bet you prefer women. Really thin women with blonde hair, top and tails, big boobs the size of cantaloupe melons and the IQ of Odie."

"I'm going to pretend that I understood that drunken ramble... Women are glorious creatures, and 'that tosser' as you so lovingly refer to your ex, is an idiot for letting go of you." As he spoke, he gave her the once over, which she might have missed. Severus had chucked back a whiskey chaser and left his eyes to wander over the shapely form of now single Granger.

"He didn't let go, he decided he was gay. And now all the Weasleys are going to hate me, especially molly. She treats him like Joseph. Next he'll have a coat of many colours."

"But then he'll be thrown in a pit by all his brothers who hate him, then sold into slavery."

Hermione pondered that for a moment, "All good things! Ugh, I was never good enough for her Ickle Ronnikins."

"Ickle Ronnikins?"

"Yup."

"No offence, but no wonder he's gay."

"Your Tequilas sir." The barkeep had had his hands full that night with the woman with frightful curls. It was a stroke of luck the man in black had turned up, even if he was as greasy as sin and could do with a conditioning or ten... For greasy hair obviously. And was it so bad that the woman's ex was gay? It just meant more talent for the poor barkeep.

"Have you finished that sick you call a cocktail?"

"Why? You got a cocktail for me?"

"Maybe, after a dozen or so of these shots."

"Severus we'll be dead on the floor after a dozen."

"But remembered!" Hermione giggled, and for some reason it was infectious. Severus started laughing, a rich laugh that filled the air around them.

"Oh, you are yummy when you laugh... And when you're angry. I should really be around when you shout."

'Yummy?' he thought, as he licked the salt off his hand. Severus downed his first drink. "Careful Hermione or I might just start thinking that you Like me," he commented, quirking an eyebrow.

She scooted closer to him, before taking her first shot. "Maybe I do, and it's only now that I've realised."

Licking the skin on her hand, Severus drew her closer to him, "Watch out, little lioness, or you might get caught in something that you wouldn't want in the morning."

"I'd always want you in the morning." Severus choked on his drink, the liquid burning his throat more than usual. "I'd want you every night too... and maybe sometimes at lunch."

"Hermione..." His eyes were darker, and Hermione couldn't understand if it was the liquor or her.

"Severus?"

"Do not tease me, especially now with my barriers dropped."

"Or what?" she dared.

Swooping down, he attacked her lips with his, her tongue his prisoner as he tortured her sweetly. "That'll happen, and I prefer to think that I am above the public grope session that Gryffindors seem to love."

"I don't... They never go as far as you want them to."

Kissing her neck, Severus smiled. "Shall we find somewhere decent to finish this?"

"I thought you'd never ask."


End file.
